Biting the Bullet
by goberdoober
Summary: BtB with My Man Waiting for Me at Home . Joss Whedon's epic Astonishing X-Men ended with Kitty trapped inside a planet killing alien metal BULLET. What happens after she phases the entire bullet through planet Earth  to prevent the end of the world ? ...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everybody, so yes. Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and spinoffs), Dollhouse, Firefly and Serenity sequel movie – plus numerous comics – did get himself enmeshed in the X-Men comic world. FINALLY! That's all I have to say. After rereading my older back issues I started researching some interesting new ones that have come out since the turn of the century. Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon answered my every need. Read it! I'm telling you, you have no business being a Kitty Pryde or Piotr Rasputin fan if you haven't or don't. **

**This is rated T for the use of one British cuss word that Emma Frost loves to use, it's like her signature British-ness, and any references Kitty might make to her attraction to the "sexy" Piotr (that's about as far as it'll go). It'll be mild for most if not all of the story since Kitty'll be off planet for most of it. Oh no, did I give too much away? But wait, who is Petrof? Enjoy! And review, so I can keep writing more for you.**

The name is Pryde, Kitty Pryde. And this is my own private bullet, comin' your way! And I figure if I have to be stuck, alone, in this colossal (sorry, Piotr) bullet speeding way, way, way faster than the speed of sound and I don't know what else, I can make my own cornball jokes to pass the time. I couldn't say how long I've been in here, except to say that after the first 15 minutes it had already been too long – and those were the 15 minutes prior to its crash course headed towards Earth. The alien metal this bullet – literally, guys, I'm not joshing you, an actual bullet built big enough to destroy our home planet, Earth – is made of makes me super squiggy. It's not like any other type of sensation I can think of. When I told Emma it wasn't pain or nausea, I wasn't lying. It's more like the precursor to a headache. The pain hasn't started but you feel the tension lurking in the dark corners behind your eyes. Sometimes, when I'm at my crankiest, I wish it was painful. Then it'd be so much less annoying. Then my mood dissipates, usually from lack of energy, and I'm grateful it isn't painful. I mean, come on guys, I'm not a masochist or anything.

Sometimes I think I've been on this metal projectile for years. I know that's impossible because I haven't had anything to eat or drink since before I landed on the Breakworld. I guess time seems to move slower when the ground at your feet, walls and ceiling around you all seem to hum slightly with the ricochet effect of being shot at warp speed and not hitting a target that was big enough to stop it. I know we didn't hit Earth. At least, I don't think we left any permanent damage when I phased us – myself and my bullet – through the Earth. Maybe that's why I'm so tired. I did pray to the Big Guy to give me the strength to do it. Perhaps he only leant it to me on the condition that I pay him back for it with _interest_ after we won. I guess that's fair (and yes, I do think diverting total destruction of our planet was a win). It's not like I have anything else to do except lay here.

I did eventually find the strength to flip over. And then a while ago – okay, who are we kidding, it could have been a second or a month ago – I tried to sit up. Most of the time I keep my back pressed against the rear wall. The only reason I know what wall faces which direction is because I don't get a weird sense of vertigo on this one wall. Geez, I feel dirty. Talk about what I didn't get to do before I did this today … okay, let's just agree not to debate the whole time issue every time I reference its passing. It's giving me a headache. Or, that's just the alloy that built my ride; oh man, I'm so totally wigging.

I didn't eat, I didn't drink, and I didn't shower or change into clean clothes. I didn't say goodbye to my mom – oh, Mom, she's all alone now after Dad (in Genosha) and … me. No, Piotr will take care of her. He's good like that. Piotr. Maybe he's the reason I keep fighting the urge to weep openly. I'm not a stuck up skank like that British "bint" Emma Frost is. I cry when I want and whenever I want. I see no shame in it. It keeps the pipes clear, you know? Something my dad used to say. But I'm trying to conserve H2O and am dreaming of waking up with Nobel Prize winning eco-scientist knowledge on how to convert alien metal into the most basic and essential of life needs – like water. But back to Piotr.

Piotr Nikolaevitch Rasputin. Russian farm boy mutant who turns into a metal giant muscle man known as Colossus, member of the X-Men; and my definition of a knight in shining armor since the day I laid eyes on him at the tender age of 14 at a café in my hometown of Chicago. God, is he _hot_! And sweet, and sexy, and kind, considerate, gentle, understanding, overprotective, way too quiet, obnoxiously difficult to interpret sometimes –especially when he goes nonverbal with the cues. I mean, really, I wouldn't end up yelling at him so much if he didn't drive me crazy trying to guess what he's thinking 98.76549899 (just 'cause – Come on guys, hello, death by involuntary projection through outer space and time and Nebula and Earth and magma and walls and … sorry, I think I fell asleep. I told ya, the Big Guy is getting his comeuppance; I'm paying the dues for a whole planet's survival! And man, are they steep!) % of the time.

I guess I don't mind our odd yelling fights. No, Piotr never yelled at me, ya numskulls! Didn't you hear the whole "silent, dark, broody, sexy, scrumptious …" yeah, that went in a direction you aren't granted access to; because they – the fights – usually ended up with the two of us making out and basically all over each other. Maybe that's why he does it? OH MY GOD – epiphany?No, Piotr's too … good of a guy to do something like that on purpose. I guess it's just fate making sure the flames of our love stay fiery hot while the coals continue to burn just as warm. Darn, I've been here so long I'm turning into the Poet Laureate, forget Einstein.

I've been here so long … depression time. What year is it on Earth? Piotr's probably fallen in love with someone else, again. I know it's unfair, considering my loopy time condition at the moment, but it really burns me up that he's always able to run away from our perfect soul-mateyness and convince himself that he's found someone better than me. Alright, again, honesty time – I'm not that egotistical. Maybe the Zashija…. Whatever her name was better than me – Ugh, I hate men! They make your self esteem spin round and round as they slowly flush it and you down the toilet, argh!

No, you know what. Piotr can go marry whatever bimbo ditzy drooly slut bag he wants because if I ever get off this rollercoaster ride from eternal hell, courtesy of S.W.O.R.D. idiocy and the tyrants of the Breakworld; I won't even be in Piotr's league anymore. I'm the fucking hero who kept the WORLD from dying by mega-gunshot wound to the core of the Earth. Hells yeah! They should name a holiday after me. No wait, forget that. A whole country. No, you know what, I saved the bucket of rock, dirt, water and plant they live on, the least they could do is name the bucket after me.

Welcome to Planet Kitty Pryde, home of the best superhero ever born – Kitty Pryde! And who is that worm who grovels over the scraps at Superhero Kitty's heroic planetary table? Piotr Rasputin, just the man who gave up his own life to save the human race from extinction via Legacy virus. Shit, I'm crying now. You see, we're totally made for each other. And he's just got too much muscle to use his brain to figure that out. Damn him and his stacked, gorgeous, and totally BLONDE wife. _Of course_ she's blonde, they always are aren't they?

Excuse me. I need just a moment to myself. Ha, ha. I'm hilarious, I know.

I know I'm turning into that hormonal crazy PMS woman that society hates and men fear worse than the plague! It's the result of everything, you know? Why can't the good guys get a break for a while? I mean, look at Scott. Not that I don't totally hate the Nikita Chiquita Mata Hari that he moved on with – oh shit, she's totally BLONDE too! But at least he had years with Jean before she died (for the last time). At least he married her and was able to love her and know all about her. Piotr and I, we didn't get that chance. We totally never got more than 2 nights in each other's arms before he was supposed to commit mass genocide and destroy a planet – God people, he'd never do it! While he did all that, I was supposed to disable the computers on the missile that ended up being the bullet that super-glued itself to my sorry superhero power.

I mean, I know he _knows_ I love him, but I didn't get to say it before … yeah, God, I know I'm still paying you back for the last time I asked you for something; but if I could just see Piotr one more time, just to hold him in my arms and tell him I love him, I would totally reconsider asking you to intervene on my behalf when this bullet bites the big one. Whenever that is, I'll reconsider it. I mean, check out my karma, my points have got to be through the roof at this point, yeah? I don't know if you know this, you've got so many people you've got to pay attention to, I understand, but I've saved the world more times than can be counted on my 10 fingers and even after, including my ten toes … maybe, I'd have to do the math. Please God? I just, I never told him I loved him or how happy I was in that vision I saw of us married with our beautiful baby boy Michael – you know, before the Emma Frost shit show that went on in my head – and the Institute. We could have had that, you know. We could have had been everything right for each other.

- / -

_In another space and time; in a different dimension; at the opposite end of the universe _

"**Target acquired. Preparing to launch first wave of preemptive strikes. "**

"Remember fellas, we need to crack it open and keep it from hitting the surrounding planet or moons, okay? We don't want the feds complaining with us on this one."


	2. Chapter 2

**Biting the Bullet (with My Man Waiting for Me at Home) – I forget if I mentioned this was its full title. I thought it better than just Biting the Bullet, a euphemism for dying ^ ^ Anyway, the below makes up for Chapter 1's wannabe cliffhanger and begins by telling you how Kitty spends her time trying not to go insane with boredom, depression, and mainly just confusion about what to do with herself. Enjoy! And again, if you want to keep seeing more chapters you **_**have**_** to review otherwise the network will remove my story from circulation ; _; which would make me a sad panda. Thanks! Please, feel free to critique! Oh, and I know Kitty keeps talking to God in her head, point of reference: Kitty Pryde is Jewish, not overly religious but she seems to spend a lot of time praying or speaking to the Big Guy mainly because she's stuck in a hopeless situation. Don't hate!  
><strong>  
>How many words can you think of that start with the letter R? Go!<br>Raspberry. Rhubarb. Rutabaga. How do you spell rutabaga anyway? Random. Real. Really (2 points, haha!). Reality. Realtor. Regal. Royal. Ramen. Rope. Raisin. Residue. Rickshaw. Rape (ooo ... negative points for the negative word). Rapist (am I getting karma points taken off for this, God? I'm totally not so nonchalant about evil like this, I swear!) Roll. Rolling (ok, no points, that's definitely cheating). Rapid. Razzledazzle. Rickety. Rural. Russian (stop thinking about him, geez)! Respect. Relocate. Rectify. Rapport. Rose. Rambunctious. Ummm ...

- - -

"Prepare for impact! Prepare for impact in ... 5"  
>"Here we go boys, this is why they called in the best for this job!"<br>"...4"  
>"Boss, no one called us in on this one! In fact, the number of laws we have broken to get it done-"<br>"...3"  
>"Shut up, if the government were doing its damn civic duty hell yeah we would have gotten the call for this one!"<br>"...2"  
>"Brace yourselves everyone, remember the minute it cracks open we go for the gold!"<br>"...2 and a half"  
>"That's why no one called US to do this one, cause of the treasure!"<br>"I said SHUT UP, Reagan. We're saving the world, the glory and honor of it all is what we want."  
>"... 2 AND 3 QUARTERS"<br>"Aw, just hit it already, Slimshot, no one's going to be anymore ready for it."  
>"Fine. 1! Here we go!" <p>

Radiant. Rare. Red. Ruby. Ribbon. Rollercoaster. Rodeo. Rawrsome ... ok, cheater.

I'm going to tell you right now (RIGHT!) that whatever hit my bullet completely bowled me over. In no uncertain terms, I went from bored out of my gourd and really, really, REALLY depressed to on my face and bruised and utterly dumbfounded. And then, before I even had time to check and see if I could stand up, another hit shook my bullet like a 9.9 on the Richter (oo, good word but totally the name of something - 0 points) scale and had me bouncing off the walls (RICOCHET triple word score for awesomeness!) and swearing hard enough to make Piotr blush scarlet.

Then, as if I was suddenly standing on land after a long sea journey, the bullet stopped moving and I flew forward to land wobbly, sore and splat on the front corner of my hollow hole. "Owwwww" I groaned as I lay there, completely unused to my world shaking like a can of spray paint. Dimly I knew that for the first time in maybe years I wasn't physically moving and my sense of balance, vertigo, inertia, and guts, whatever you wanted to call it, just hadn't caught up yet.

There was a loud sound like a horrid bell ringing throughout my little cabin space and it made my bones shake with the echoes that seemed to never end. Another huge and I was on the floor again, face pressed into my elbows while my hands feebly tried to defend my ears from the racket (RACKET! Racket ball, rake, ruin, rhubarb ... wait, I got that one already). Then, just as another bell rang and I swore my brain was going to melt out of my ears from the vibration, a sound like a generator mixed with a chainsaw filled the air (come to think of it, how come I never ran out of air in here?) and the most incredible impossible thing happened.

Not 3 inches from my eyes, which were ready to pop right out from amazement, a metal laser blade thing cut through the wall of my prison and released the acrid, terrible, beautiful scent of scorched metal. My walls were being invaded! I was going to be freed! The blade disappeared and I couldn't breathe for fear that it wouldn't return. Only a few moments later, I rejoiced to hear the terrible clang, generator chainsaw massacre of sound as that beautiful blade began another deep cut into my cage about 4 feet farther from the first cut. By the time my saviors had finished the job, I was sitting nervously on the other side of the room trying desperately to figure out how my hair looked - raking my fingers through my hair and realizing that I must smell like the worst gym/locker room in the history of Earth! Arranging myself like a good girl, I waited. Pretend you didn't see my hands shaking, alright? Thanks.

There came a giant roar and a softer clang as the "door" they had sliced open went flying to the ground. I tried to keep my shriek of fright from escaping my throat but I'm not sure if I succeeded. Hopefully, the noise of the door hitting the floor (hey, good rhyme - give me a breaks, folks, I've been amusing myself for a millennia now, I'm gonna need a little while to break habits). And then, I saw the most astonishing thing.

His name was Cain, Cain Marko. He was the Professor's older step-brother and he hated Professor X and the X-men (ergo me) with a passion. The most shocking thing of all was that ... well, it looked like he was surprised to see me, too. More than surprised more like ... confused, and heading towards pissed.

He turned and another loud clang sounded as I realized that was the sound of his heavy metal-knuckled gloves hitting the sides of my bullet. "Here you go, boss. Here's your TREASURE! A bloody empty metal room," – "Hey!" I cried!" – He gave me a frosty look, "And the most disturbing looking girl in the known galaxy." He stepped aside to make room for someone else to peer into the room. I suddenly realized that the lighting in my cave-like humble abode had sucked and the sudden light that seemed to flood the outside of my antithesis of a home burned my eyes. With a cry, I jerked my arm across the top half of my face and instinct made me curl into a small ball to protect my eyes.

"NEWMAN DAMMIT!" Shouted Cain's boss, followed swiftly by a duller ring of the walls as he apparently took his frustration out on the walls just like Cain had. "Squirrel, see if you can get a reading off the metal of this thing. Maybe it'll be worth something to somebody. Fucking legends. You grow up being told wondrous tales of the treasure held in the belly of the illusive comet only to be let down when the comet ends up being a couple keelogs of dull metal wrapped around a hollow hole of nothing at the front!" As an insult, it was getting old fast.

My eyes were still smarting from the sudden light but my ears were working just fine now that the circus sounds were done with. Cain sounded way more intelligible than usual, like he had taken some major anger management classes to deal with the Juggernaut rage. His "boss" sounded so familiar it sent a tingle all the way down my spine, like a drop of sweat rolling under a loose shirt. I couldn't place either of the men's accents but they were definitely taught American English, if some of their word choices were a bit wonky.

"What do you wanna do with the chit?"

"What?" 

"The chit, the girl, there. What do you wanna do with her? You think this is her ship or something?"

"Oh, Newman, come on! I don't know. Scan her for diseases or psychosis and then see if you can get her on the ship. See if Slimshot can get her cleaned up a bit, we'll figure what to do with her from there. I'm not spending my time talking to a walking hombig."

That voice ... I knew that voice, almost as well as I knew my own! My eyes widened and I swept my arm aside and then back really quickly, testing to see if my eyes were ready for light of any kind. Ah! Definitely not, that stung! So we know for sure I've been in the dark for a very long time. This is too weird.

"Excuse me, but what the HELL is going on here?" I asked almost softly, not used to speaking _outloud_.

"I think she's trying to speak to us."

"Yeah, well her language makes absolutely no sense. We'll have to wait and see if Slimshot can configure some sort of translator. Reagan, get going, I don't have all day. I'm going to go check on Dedog. Maybe He'll have found another chamber like this one."

"You know what the scanners said, man. I think this job's a bit of a bust. At least we'll be able to disprove a legend."

"Yeah, maybe we can charge a bunch of scientists and researchers for the answer. All those random theories they've created over the years turned out to be such a waste of my time and our money." He used a word after that that didn't sound like any kind of word I'd ever heard before. That was when I realized that they were speaking an entirely different language from mine and somehow I understood them pretty much okay. There were some words that I could phonetically interpret – hombig, keelog - and then others, like the one he just said, that were so beyond human understanding and even beyond our own tongues that I couldn't even give it a guess. It was like a grunt, growl, hock a logy noise mixed together. Weird!

It looked liked Cain was going by the name of Reagan, and he was working with aliens, speaking an alien language that I somehow understood, on a space ship that had the capability to stop my bullet without destroying anything _and_ crack into my prison and fish me out. I'm guessing we're nowhere near Kansas, huh, Toto?

**At first I knew exactly who I wanted the Boss to be, but now I'm worried that would be too predictable so I'm going to open it up to the floor. Everybody, who do you think the voice of the Boss should belong to? Beware that the crew that rescues Kitty from the bullet are going to be essential characters for most of the next several chapters and possibly most of the whole story arc. I haven't planned very far ahead; I just write what comes to me.**

**Reagan – aka Cain, aka Juggernaut – was my first inspiration into the team, mainly because he's awesome and so underrated and I'd like to find a way to explore his capabilities and person without dealing with all the mental b.s. that he and Charles Xavier went to at the hands of their dad. I'm currently torn between 2 different character choices for the Boss, and I have pretty much decided to use Sage from the comics as Slimshot (if you don't know who she is, shame on you, she's AWESOME. Check out X-Treme X-Men for a quick lesson, there are only maybe 40 issues in that series and she's a main character on Storm's team. PS Uber-geek moment, if any of you readers are true X-Men comics fans would you mind enlightening me as to whether Sage and Bishop **_**totally**_** had chemistry or was I picking up on a different frequency?). But just before I finished writing this chapter I created a character named Dedog. Who should that be? Male, female? X-Men or enemy? Frenemy? … Serious thought: should there be an Emma Frost look alike in this dimension?**

**To end the future hysteria (lol, I would love if there was mass hysteria over this) the next chapter is going to deal with Kitty's "Man Waiting for [her] at Home" so you have until I start work on Chapter 4 to decide who's who. Be quick because I'm pretty inspired here and I may keep writing tomorrow.**


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